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Poll
What is your favorite anime division?
Division 1
0%
 0% [ 0 ]
Division 2
9%
 9% [ 2 ]
Division 3
4%
 4% [ 1 ]
Division 4
0%
 0% [ 0 ]
Division 5
9%
 9% [ 2 ]
Division 6
4%
 4% [ 1 ]
Division 7
0%
 0% [ 0 ]
Division 8
4%
 4% [ 1 ]
Division 9
4%
 4% [ 1 ]
Division 10
13%
 13% [ 3 ]
Division 11
30%
 30% [ 7 ]
Division 12
4%
 4% [ 1 ]
Division 13
17%
 17% [ 4 ]
Total Votes : 23
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 Tora Roku (Done)

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Roku

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Rank : Right Hand
Attack : 70
Defense : 70
Intelligence : 0
Posts : 8
Exp : 24560
Join date : 2011-03-02

PostSubject: Tora Roku (Done)   Fri Mar 04, 2011 2:04 am

Vizard

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~General Information~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Name: Tora, Roku

Alias: N/A

Gender: Male

Age: 390

Visual Age: 16

Rank: Right Hand

Ex-Division: 11th Division

Years Since Exile: 53

Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual

Extra Information: He was a captain

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Additional Information~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blood Type: AB

Family Members: N/A

Birth Date: May 16

Star Sign: Taurus

Favorite Food: Greasy Foods

Least Favorite Food: Vegetables

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Appearance~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

General Appearance:
Roku’s has spiky black hair with blue tint, and onyx eyes. His skin tone is light. His hair hangs over his face to roughly frame his cheeks. He's muscular, he white long-sleeved shirt which was open at the torso. He wears black pants with a blue cloth hanging from halfway up his stomach to his knees, and large purple rope belt. The rope belt is tied in a double knot, made of a bow. Which hangs on the right side of is body. His zanpakuto is hung from the back of his belt on the right side. Since he has nowhere to place it. Also he doesn’t want to hold it. The zanpakuto hangs right side diagonally. Underneath this shirt he wears a close fitting black cloth on his arms. His nails and toenails are clean and sharp. Not too sharp, but is at the right amount. His lips are smooth and clean no chap. His body has no stretchmarks and he has no saggage.

Under his pants, he wears medium height boxers. His shirt is the only thing he has on his upperbody, he doesn't wear an undershirt. His body hair percentage is zero. He never grew any body hair. He has all the cuts in his muscles, since he works out a lot. The top back of his outer shirt also bears a small fan; the fan has two colors. The upper part is red and the lower part is white. He also wears a pair of open-fingered gloves. He wears open toe shoes, which rises up to the bottom of his knees. His pants also cover his knees. He bears a scar on his chest, the shape and figure, similar to the one on Sagat's chest. He has a tattoo on the left side of his shoulder trap. He got the tattoo from his favorite character from the book he reads.

Reiatsu Color: Blue with black outlining, with hollow mask donned: black with blue outlining.

Height: 168 cm

Weight: 52.2 kg

Body Type: He has the bod type of a muscular man, who works out everyday. He has some body fat, but is isn't shown because of the effort he puts into his work outs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Persona~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Personality:

Roku is a fun person to be around with. He doesn’t like to see people get picked on or ambushed. He hates bullies and people who think there better than everybody. He would challenge them and see where their heart is. He hates being disturbed when watching a baseball game or MMA fight. When watching his favorite sports, he eyes are glued on the diamond or the octagon. When he watches these events, he feels as if he is there. His thinks thats him on the diamond or octagon. If he is disturbed he will burst out in an utterly rage or yap his mouth about his favorite sports. He likes to play baseball and spar with others. He doesn’t back down from a challenge. Sometimes he keeps his mouth close, just so nothing can be interrupted, because he hates being interrupted.

At one point, he will be sarcastic, and other times he won’t. He speaks loud when other over talks him. When he fights, his whole mood changes. He gets serious and doesn’t play around. He would come up with a plan or use all his advantages. When his hollow mask is on, its still him. He intends to kill them on sight so he won’t have to use his mask. He doesn’t like to speak during battle, he sees it as stalling, or a way to recover from a strike. He often speaks to himself at times, just so he knows he still has all his memories. When he’s around greasy foods, his mouth gets watery. He feels like he has all the food in the world, when it comes to greasy foods. If his plate is finished before others, he stares at others, and asks them for there food. He doesn't care if others think he's a pig. All he cares for is the food. The smell and taste of foods are exciting to him.

If he is rejected, he tries to get around the same question. Vegetables are a sin to him. His expressions towards vegetables are very disappointing. Even though they're good, he thinks they're bad. He likes to work out. He keeps all his muscles in check, and also makes sure he doesn’t pull a muscle. He loves action movies, especially the karate ones. When the atmosphere around him is calm, he meditates. Freeing his mind helps him not think or hear his hollow. Most of the day, he will be training, sleeping, or watching movies or sport events. Often he reads his favorite manga, and doesn't like to miss one chapter. If he does, he hurries in what he has to do, so he won't miss the chapter after that.

Likes:
Baseball & MMA - are his favorite sports. He loves them both the same. Baseball is thrilling to him, when he sees all the players on their positions. Anyone can get struck out at anytime if on base. Seeing the baseball go over the foul line or seeing a homerun. A grandslam is the best reason also why he loves baseball. MMA is a challenge sport to him. He also sees it as training, when he sees new kick moves or gut thrusting punches. The submission holds also help him, if he's trying to hold someone off. It's not fake, all the moves are real, real blood, real shattering bones, real sweat and tears.

Action Movies - are the only movie genre he looks forward to seeing. All the other movie genres doesn't even come across his mind or in thought. Theres awesome fight scenes, sword fight scenes, and explosions. He always wanted to walk away from exposions, but never done it. Even during his time in the Gotei 13.

Reading - His good time hobby is to read when he's not training, fighting, or busy. Seeing the drama and the story plot unfold before his eyes. This always makes him look forward to next weeks chapter.

Dislikes:
Golf & Tennis - are boring sports. Golf doesn't excite him, he doesn't jump off of the ground for joy. It just causes him to leave or change the channel. Tennis is whack to him, because he sees it as a bigger version of ping-pong. Bigger court and ratchets. Boo! Theres not alot of fast movements.

Basketball - is cool to him, but he can't shoot a free throw. Doesn't like the fact that he could get tea bagged. So with that said, he doesn't like basketball. Keeping his eye on the ball and to dribble it at the same time. He sees that as hard work, or more work than achieving bankai.

Football - is an awesome sport to him. The reason why he hates it, is because getting tackled will anger him. That's the only reason why he hates football.

Arrancar - is the most thing he hates. Those walking, talking hollows are nothing but copies of shimigami he believes. Gifted with extroadinary power. Also, the arrancar killed his captain, but he wasn't just a captain, he was a friend.

Goals: To become the best vizard. If there are others like him out there. If he comes in contact with them, he'll prove to them, he is the best vizard there is and forever will be. Showing how strong is he, by donning his mask and challenging any of the vizards to a fight. How long can the mask be obtained? How strong is their cero? He hopes to find out.

Fears: Afraid, he’s going to lose to his hollow one day. Everyday he trains his body every hour, he endures blows to his arms and legs. He constantly hits trees in the park at night, and slashes them with his zanpakuto. Hoping as he gets stronger, he won't have to rely on his hollow. But what if it leaks out, He wouldn't want to push himself too far. Since he's been changed by the powers of a hollow, he doesn't intend to hold anything back. One slip can cause the monster within to take over.

Strengths:
Hakuda - He is very excellent when it comes to fighting hand to hand. His punches are straight forward, and his kicks are powerful. So powerful, he could injure anyone wherever he strikes. Also his kicks can break a body part if enough pressure applied. Most of his speed goes into Hakuda and zanjutsu. He can fight for a whole day without tiring.

Zanjutsu - His swipes and slashes are fast. He's studied alot in zanjutsu and he's become an excellent user. He has what it takes to be a zanjutsu master. He holds in one hand and can quickly draw before he is attacked or about to strike.

Weaknesses:
Shunpo - He is not very fast. His speed has been the same ever since the beginning. Since he bases his speed on his physical attacks, he lacks in shunpo. Becoming very tired after, two or three flash steps. His shunpo is slower than the usual shunpo.

Kido - This is his weakest region. He can't do one kido spell. Most of his energy goes into zanjutsu and hakuda. Even doing one shunpo will cause him to tire, if he uses kido after. If he does a kido spell, it won't be as strong as the usual kido spell would be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~History~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bio:
Human Life
As a young child, Roku loved sports. His favorite was baseball, even though; he loved mixed martial arts (MMA). When he was ten years old he joined the little league and played first basemen. He led his team to have the best score in history. Although his team didn’t get to win the World Series, it was all fun to him. When he was in high school, everyone loved him. When he joined his schools baseball team, after a game or practice, he would train in Muay Thai and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. To him, training the body is making him a better person each day. All that training would pay off, when a gang ambushed him. Backing him into a corner, he was scared. They jumped him and took his money and possessions. After that day, he promised himself to never let it happen again. His heart was filled with rage and anger.

Days passed by and he was still furious. The anger never disappeared, he felt like he couldn’t forgive himself. He stopped going to school and he wanted to find the guys who did it. His attitude changed, causing him to wear all black attire. He stopped playing sports. It was if he was creating a whole new being. He searched all over for them, and when he saw them. He walked up to the guy with all his money and snatched it back. The gang acknowledged and came to the member’s aid. Roku knew what he was getting into, but he didn’t care. He fought with his life and that’s what it cost him. While he was pounding on the gang member, another stabbed him in the back. Causing the blade to pierce both of them. Roku, and the gang member. The pain caused Roku to cry, and his dream was to be a major league baseball player. He dropped to the floor and the gang fled leaving one of there own to die also. Roku was only sixteen years old. As his eyes slowly closed, he felt his soul leave the corpse to rot. Until his body was found by an old lady walking to the store.

After Life
Arc 1 – Soul Academy
Due to the fact, that he doesn't remember anything about him. He wandered off into a deep sleep. As Roku eyes opened. He looked around, as his vision became clear. He didn’t know where he was, or what he was doing before this. All he knew was his name. He was lying on a grassy field. He stood up and wondered around the mysterious place for a while. Before he was getting bored of seeing nothing. He saw two men fighting and they weren’t using zanpakuto. Even though they had their zanpakuto on them. Roku was excited and watched them to the end. It looked as if the fight wasn’t going to end, but one of the men spotted him. He was called on, and Roku didn’t know what was going to happen. He asked them to teach him to fight the way they did. The two shimigami wanted to see how good his fighting skills were at first.

He showed them a punch and it was average. They decided to teach him, but he has to join the soul society. They told him about the soul society and what to expect. Roku didn’t join the soul academy until he was ready. While he was training, he used sticks off of trees to practice his strikes and stabs. He would punch and kick the same tree. Hoping this would make his arms and legs stronger for future purposes. He suffered a few injuries, but he got through them all. Ten years later he joined the soul academy. While in the soul academy, he didn’t worry about what anyone else had to say or think of him. His main goal was to become part of the Gotei 13. Along the way, he made a couple of friends, but stuck to his word. When practiced came along, he would show magnificent striking speed with his hands and legs.

The teachers were thrilled to see his speed, but when it came to striking with his zanpakuto he wasn’t much great. That held him back from his goal for thirteen years. He was fed up with the teachers in the academy and felt like quitting. He studied zanjutsu and what its purpose was. Studying and training was a main part if someone wanted to become one of the best. He wanted his name to be brought during, the great times. He thought he could learn it all. The only thing he needed to learn was kido, since he liked reading. He read all the books on kido. He tried to use kido, but was never successful as the others. He seeked for some help with kido, but no one would fulfill his request. Ever since then, he was never great with his kido. Everyday, he'd watch the captains. Watch how they swing and handle their zanpakuto. He would practice his swipes and swifts with his zanpakuto. He felt like he should never give up. Thirteen years passed, his progress was impressive with his zanpakuto. Although he didn't know the name of his zanpakuto. He graduated from the academy and he was placed in the 11th division.

Arc 2 – 11th Division
Since Roku was placed in the 11th division, he wasn’t one of the ones; the captain wanted to see. The captain placed him on the squad because he needed a spot filled and he chose him. Roku thought why he chose him. The captain and the lieutenant selected a few to go on a mission, and Roku was chosen. As they went on the mission. Hollows were lurking around in the area. Roku knew he wasn’t good with swinging his zanpakuto, but he wanted to prove to his captain, that he his worth the pick. Three hollows appeared behind the captain and he quickly finished them. Roku was amazed by this guy’s incredible speed. When the mission was done. Everyone returned home and Roku wanted to speak to his captain. Once he told him why he picked him, Roku wanted to improve. By doing so, he stuck by the captain’s side. Guarding his back.

The captain started to change his view about Roku, and Roku didn’t know it. Three years later Roku activated his zanpakuto by listening to himself and also by training. When he was asleep. He would walk around in this dark place. Walking around to find no one. He could hear a voice calling him, but it wasn't clear. A dark figure would appear before him, and the he would awake. He heard the true way to activate shikai, was to go into Jinzen. It was a meditative state, that allows the shimigami to force his mind with his zanpakuto. While in Jinzen, Roku would walk around the same dark place, as in his dreams. The dark figure would appear again. Roku would ready himself, and the zanpakuto drew the a different one. Roku would fight the mysterious dark figure. Roku rushed towards the dark figure and their zanpakuto's clashed.

Giving the zanpakuto a rough time, Roku wanted to know who he was. However, Roku seen this dark figure manipulate lightning along the zanpakuto. Roku thought to himself maybe it was his zanpakuto. The dark figure disappears and lightning drags along the ground. Roku wanted to move but he didn't. The lightning stopped in front of him. He heard a voice calling his name again. He followed the voice inside a house. Inside the house was nothing. He walked around, until he saw a zanpauto. As he got closer, more of them appeared as the smoke cleared. He didn't know which one was his, he looked at all of them. As he made his way towards a regular sword, he heard the voice again. This time, he was calling a different name. He looked over to a zanpakuto covered in lightning. He tried to grab the hilt of the zanpakuto but the lightning was too strong.

The voice called out the name repeatedly, Roku repeated the name. The same time as the voice. He tried to grab the hilt again, the lightning was still hovering it. He grabbed it, acknowledging the name was of his zanpakuto. As he held it in his hand, the lightning hovered his arm, holding the zanpakuto. He shouted it out. As he finished Jinzen, he called out his zanpakuto's name. He saw as it appeared in its form, known as shikai. During a mission, the captain, lieutenant, and Roku went on an important mission. The captain really trusted Roku more than his lieutenant, and the lieutenant didn’t like the situation. He wanted to dispose of Roku. On the mission, a powerful hollow attacked them, but this hollow was different. He had a weird appearance, and Roku couldn’t believe how strong this hollow was.

The hollow attacked them and while fighting the captain, the lieutenant based his eyes on Roku. Roku was completely unaware of this, and the lieutenant cut his ribcage. Roku was in terrible pain. He didn’t give up and hoped for the captain to see this. The lieutenant wanted Roku dead, but before Roku knew it, the hollow pierced the lieutenant. Roku breathed deeply and stood to his feet, and fought the hollow with his life. His captain was hurt badly, and he felt as if he couldn’t do anything. He used his skills and activated his shikai. Killing the hollow. The captain was badly injured. He was also happy to see Roku fight even though he was badly injured also. The captain bumped him up to lieutenant. Ever since that day, Roku hasn’t been feeling so well.

Arc 3 – The Hollow That Talks
Roku was bumped up to lieutenant and was respected by everyone. As he thought to himself, he was living his dream. He’s taking place in the Gotei 13. He still trains using the fighting styles Muay Thai and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, since his last trip to the world of the living. Activating his bankai hasn’t been so good, but his captain sticks by his side, to support him everyday. When he was training with one of the squadrants, he noticed he wasn’t feeling so hot. He started to get angry because of his bankai failure. He wanted to have bankai, so he could become of the best. Each day he tried, it was a failure. His anger and frustration was being a strudel in the 11th division. His captain offered him some time off. 100 hundred years pass and Roku still hasn’t activated bankai. He wasn’t trying to think about it, so he would train himself.

He tries to get faster with his shunpo; he gets tired every time he tries. His latest mission was with the captain only. Roku had the rest of the division guard the seiretei, and soul society. While on the mission, he and the captain, were looking for hollow. Little did they know the hollow they were looking for, was looking for them. As they stepped into the forest at night. Sounds of hollows could be heard all around them. Roku’s mind was stable. His captain was worried, about his own health. He didn’t want Roku knowing he was sick. A hollow came walking out of the shadow. The strange thing was, he was in control. Roku grabbed his zanpakuto, and so did the captain. The hollow had incredible speed, and this was something Roku lacks at. Each times he uses shunpo, a bumping noise was heard. Roku couldn’t watch his moves.

The hollow pierced his captain. It giggled and spoke. Speaking about how he was trying to kill the both of them. Roku fought with his life, and he stood in front of his captain, the whole time. Roku was tired; his shikai was active and still losing. Roku had cuts all over his arms and legs. They weren’t critical. He looked down at his feet, and his captain was losing a lot of blood. As his mind drifted into his inner world, his zanpakuto spoke. Telling him, he needs to believe in himself, and let him know, they’re a team. Roku’s reaitsu bursts out and he spoke one word “BANKAI!” With the change of his blade, he felt as if he was stronger and faster. The arrancar didn’t know what he was in store for. The speed gave Roku the advantage and he split the arrancar in two. The battle was over as fast as lightning. Roku ran over to his captain and carried him to the emergency. Before they could work on him, he had already lost too much blood. That day Roku lost a friend, but gained the power he was seeking.

Arc 4 – Rise
The next day Roku told what happened. With the words of the Gotei 13, he was now a captain. He wasn't a captain because he was the only strong one in his division. His former captain had told the Gotei 13 about him, and he has the courage and will to fight. Roku’s body felt joy, but he didn’t show it physically. Roku wanted to make his captain proud, by having the best division. Everyday for 211 years, training would be before or after a mission. To Roku, training is more important than anything is. He doesn’t want to lose anymore men, after what happened to his captain. The missions he was given were easy. After a mission, he would speak to his zanpaktou. Claiming that his only friend and he don’t have any friends in his division. They all resent him. He could careless now that he was alone. The next day, would be the day his life changed forever.

This mission that he had to take on was critical. He deployed with four of his strongest men. As they quickly traveled to the area, an arrancar was spotted. Roku quickly activated shikai and fought the beast. The arrancar fought his men off as they protected him. Roku heard multiple noises coming from all around. There were more than one arrancar. All the captains must be in the area, while caught off guard, by the sounds. The arrancar killed his men and slashed Roku. Leaving a scar on his chest. Blood was dripping from the open wound on his chest. As he fell to the ground, more of his squad members appeared. Helping him. He knows they care for him. They fought the arrancar, some were damaged badly. Others were simply killed. As Roku lay on the ground, he started to get that sick feeling again. He began to cough up blackish red blood.

What was it? He didn’t know. His sight was going blurry. His heart rate was faster than usual, his hands began to shake, then his body was going completely numb. The arrancar placed its hand on his wound. Roku blacked out. While blacked out, a hollow mask was forming on his face. The hollow Roku jumped up, and began to laugh. This was the reason, he was feeling sick. His hollow was slowly making its way to the surface. Now that it was revealed his division was shocked and they retreated. Two of them stood hidden to watch. Seeking that this might get him demoted from captain, if he doesn’t die. He used his bankai and killed the arrancar. Looking around, he saw the hidden squadrants. He quickly used shunpo over to them. He was about to kill them, when they yelled. This causing Roku to hear them, he grabbed the mask. Pulling it off his face, gaining consciousness. The mask crumbled and drifted off with the air. Roku was damaged badly. Roku blacked out for two days.

Arc 5 – Exile
When he awoke, his lieutenant was sitting in a chair next to his bed. He was healed and walked over to the captain commander’s room. When he entered, all the other remaining captains were having a meeting. The captains looked at him and he sat in his seat. The captain commander heard what happened by the two men of his division. The Gotei 13 doesn’t allow hollow and he was now one of them. He took off his captain 11 coat and medal. He placed them both on the table and left the room. Before he leaves the soul society, he spoke to his former division. Letting them know, he believed in them. The two men who told felt bad. His last words as captain were, “take care and kick some ass”. He smiled and left. With his zanpakuto as his only friend, he set off to the world of the living. Now he felt happy, now that his duties as captain were over.

He watched baseball games and went to live MMA events. Ever since, he tapped into this new power, he trained himself everyday, hoping the hollow doesn’t appear again. He noticed strange reiatsu in the area. An old man appeared behind him. This man was there to help him train his hollow powers. Roku couldn’t believe it until he showed him, his hollow mask. He gained his power by experimenting on himself. This caused him to go crazy. He was known about and he fled from the soul society. Maybe this is the reason Roku was. He trained with this old man for 53 years. Roku now, knew how to control his hollow powers, or is there more to it, that he doesn’t know about. The old man gave in to his hollow; he was tired of life. Roku killed him, and wondered is there more like him. Theres only one way to find out. Roku is on the search.

Arc 6 - Home
As Roku lives the rest of his days in the world of the living, he hasn't seen much action lately. No hollows appeared in the world of the living, since all the shimigami are taking them out, before they reach the world of the living. Since his last encounter with the old man, who was a vizard like him, he's forgotten about his task. As his days were getting longer, he wanted something special to do. Baseball and MMA are awesome, but he wants to put his powers to use. Day after day Roku would spend it alone. His talks to his zanpakuto all the time when he uses Jinzen. Fighting with him also to get stronger. At the end of the day he sleeps in a hotel. Waking up to seeing a shiny hot sun, that makes his sweat glans erupt. All the people that he knew in the soul society, are probably enjoying themselves and fighting hollows together. Roku misses the feeling.

He remembers his days in the soul society, as they were cool. As he daydreamed his whole experience in the soul society, he also remembered the night that changed his life. As the arrancar had wounded him and tapped into his inner monster. The hollow mask that appeared over his face. Roku remembered after that flashback, he was suppose to find others like him. He touched the wound on his chest and stood to his feet, since he was lying on his back. He looked around and heard a hollow roaring around the area. He rushed to the sight where the roar came from. Only to see a hollow roaring at a plus, Roku quickly shunpoed in front of the hollow. His shunpo skills are increasing, since he had time to train himself. The hollow rushed towards Roku and he quickly slashed the hollow. It disintegrated slowly.

He took the plus to a safe place, but he wasn't able to send it to the soul society. A shadow hovered over Roku and looked up. An adjuchas jumped down and he rolled to the side. He was starting to get excited. He unsheathed his zanpakuto and the adjuchas charged at him. They clashed and the adjuchas was strong, but not strong enough. Roku was able to kill it without breaking a sweat. More hollow noises were heard coming towards him. He looked around and saw ten adjuchas and two vaste lorde. He wondered why the Gotei 13 are not doing their job and letting this mayhem happen. He activated his shikai and fought the adjuchas. The two vaste lorde jumped into the fight, as soon as Roku killed the last adjuchas. One of them used sonido and appeared at the back of Roku. He had to use his mask. As he was about to don it, this fight was starting to get less hard.

Without knowing about the second vaste lorde's movements. Another regular person jumped in the fight helping Roku. Roku didn't know who he was. He got a good look at this guy’s face. Roku couldn't believe it, this guy had a hollow mask. Roku donned his mask. After the fight was over. Roku thanked him for his help. He was the guy that Roku was looking for. As Roku explained how he got his hollow powers, he was hoping this guy wasn’t trying to kill him. He looked pretty strong just by his looks. But looks don’t get to Roku, the stance and skill. As he let this guy know what his motive was. This guy was looking for the same thing. Both of there past lives are being put in place. Was this faith that the two were to meet or it just happened. Roku wanted to fight him, just to see how strong he is. He quickly charged at the guy and they clashed.

Roku looked into his eyes and was looking to see how strong he is. At the same time they donned their masks. They battled on for two hours, before tiring. From that fight, Roku was ready to join him and not be alone. Roku wasn’t sure who was the strongest. They’re both strong and skilled. He missed being one of the captains; maybe he’ll get that feeling with this guy. He asked the guy his name and he spoke Hiei. He didn’t say his last name it really didn’t matter. Roku was he said to Hiei. They’ve been battling together killing hollows and any other threat. Sparring to get stronger is what Roku strives for.


Last edited by Roku on Fri Mar 25, 2011 2:53 am; edited 16 times in total
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Yokkyu Fuman



Rank : 2nd Squad Captain
Attack : 70
Defense : 60
Intelligence : 0
Posts : 75
Exp : 85342
Join date : 2011-03-05
Location : Squad 2 Barracks

PostSubject: Re: Tora Roku (Done)   Mon Mar 07, 2011 10:03 pm

Hello Roku, im the newest Moderator here. I see your app has no replies, so let's begin with the grading! Yay Very Happy Let me just tell you exactly how I grade.
No diferent from any other person, i'm sure, but i start from the top and work my way down, pointing out everything that should be edited for approval.

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Alright, so first off: I see from the General Information that you're 290 years old, and have been exiled for 53 years. That leaves you at being 237 years old when you were last in service as the Captain of Squad 11. There's number one - A 237 year old Captain? - the Kenpachi at that? That just seems a bit unrealistic. Most Captains are a bit older than that, especially the Kenpachi who would have spent many years training for their strength. Your character is just very young for the Kenpachi. So I think his age should be upped a bit, more like 300-400, that just seems more likely for a Captain Shinigami.

Second, about being an ExCaptain Vizard, i'm not too sure how that's going to work, because we're not entirely sure how many Ex-Captain vizards will be allowed. So about being the Ex 11th Captain, i'll get back to you on that.

Next thing is the appearance - you're going for a Captain-class Vizard. While using a picture is perfectly fine, I think you should put some more effort into the written description. You have a picture to base your words off of, so why not make your writing a little more detailed, just so we can see your writing skills a bit more? Y'know, make yourself shine a bit more Smile

Another thing regarding his appearance is his height - being only 138cm, that leaves him at not even three and a half feet tall. That is one tiny tiny person. This of course doesnt mean you can't get approved, i'm simply stating it so you know, just in case it might have been a mistake. Keep in mind 100cm = 1m. 1m = 3ft. Your character is very very tiny, not even 3'6" tall *continues in astonished ramble*

Anyway, next thing - do you think you could add a bit more to his body type? Im not trying to sound harsh, but just anybody could say "Fit and Slim like ______". just like with the appearance, it's great to have a picture, but i'd personally like to see how well your writing skills are. Mind ampin' that up a bit more as well? Thanks.

Your personality in my opinion isn't that great - just simple sentences put together. Not saying it's not acceptable, but try throwing in some vivid verbs and amazing adjectives and combining a few of those sentences with a semicolon and a comma or two. It'd make it much better to read, and far more interesting. Mind amping that up a tad as well?

Quote :
Likes: Baseball, MMA, and action movies

Dislikes: Golf, tennis, basketball, football, and arrancar

Goals: To become the best vizard

Fears: Afraid, he’s going to lose to his hollow one day

Strengths: Hakuda, Zanjutsu

Weaknesses: Shunpo, Kido

Once again, you're aiming pretty high to be a Captain Class Vizard. You mind elaborating on these things?
What does he like about Baseball, MMA and action movies? How do they make him feel?
How is he strong in Hakuda and Zanjutsu, what does he know that makes him better in those than in Shunpo and Kido? Tell us a bit more about these things. Could you be good with Hakuda because you know Tae-Kwon-Doe? Koshijutsu? Has your character studied Zanjutsu for a long while? What makes them better? Etc etc. Please elaborate on these.

Your human life is written very well, however you're a Shinigami... more correctly a Vizard. Part shinigami regardless , and Shinigami do not remember their human life, so your human life needs to be removed, as it's stated in the Vizard Template located HERE. (In the Bio section of the skeleton, it says to not include human life)

And for Arc 1, please elaborate on your time in the Soul Academy. The Soul Academy takes a few years, and I would like to know what your character did during that time in the Soul Academy. Did he study books? Did he train with the instructors? And most importantly, how did he find his Zanpakutou, and how and when did he graduate the Academy?

From then on, I would just like to see better sentence structure, forming more complex and sophisticated sentences. Everything else from the history seems to be fine, just work on the sentences.

So overall... the Main Points

[*]Work on your written descriptions, be sure to elaborate with nice, long and elaborated sentences. Don't make them too long though, I dont like to see run-on sentences.

[*]This sort of ties in with above, but work on your Likes all the way to your Weaknesses. Explain why they are what they are.

[*]Work on your history. Add some more of Academy time and work on your sentence structure.

[*]Also, not sure about the Captain-Class Vizard yet. I'll get back to ya on that.

Once you've done that, then I think you'll be okay.
Feel free to respond in case you wish to talk about it.
And any other mod or admin feel free to post in case I missed anything, or if you feel I graded too hard.
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Roku

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PostSubject: Re: Tora Roku (Done)   Thu Mar 10, 2011 11:36 am

Done
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Yokkyu Fuman



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PostSubject: Re: Tora Roku (Done)   Thu Mar 10, 2011 3:42 pm

Add descriptions to all of these
Quote :

Likes: Baseball, MMA, action movies, and reading

Dislikes: Golf, tennis, basketball, football, and arrancar

Goals: To become the best vizard

Fears: Afraid, he’s going to lose to his hollow one day

Why are they liked, disliked? How does he plan to go about his goal and why? And explain more on that fear.

Other than that, you've done what I had asked and I am very pleased with the outcome, versus what was originally here. Just edit what I said above.
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PostSubject: Re: Tora Roku (Done)   Fri Mar 11, 2011 1:56 am

Done
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PostSubject: Re: Tora Roku (Done)   Sun Mar 20, 2011 12:25 pm

since you started this application the vizards were given a ranking system. with that being said, please claim a rank in their topic and edit your rank here once you have gained one. Other than that all things yokku said above have been fixed so your ready to go.

p.s. really sorry for the long wait, don't know what happened with not getting your app done.

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Roku

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PostSubject: Re: Tora Roku (Done)   Sun Mar 20, 2011 11:37 pm

Done
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PostSubject: Re: Tora Roku (Done)   Tue Mar 22, 2011 10:07 pm

let me know when you are done making the required changes hiei asked of you.

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PostSubject: Re: Tora Roku (Done)   Tue Mar 22, 2011 10:48 pm

Changes have been made, feel free to delete this after reading.
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Roku

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PostSubject: Re: Tora Roku (Done)   Fri Mar 25, 2011 2:54 am

Done
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Yokkyu Fuman



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PostSubject: Re: Tora Roku (Done)   Fri Mar 25, 2011 6:06 am

Right.
Sorry for taking so long Roku.
I kind of forgot. D:
Happens to the best of us, no? ^^;
Once again, I apologize.
Approved.
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